Hateriouscyclistus Is A Virus

Hateriouscyclistus - SingleSpeedCC


Why so serious?

Have people really stopped riding for fun? In the bike industry there seems to be a never ending chase for the next best thing. The next best shiniest groupset or a quest for the lightest monocoque carbon frame ever. The chase seems to get faster with every year, but as it seems – customers are never satisfied and the bike industry is all the more eager to provide, and churn out more stock.

Dave Arthur – Just Ride Bikes – “Ride More & Spend Less”

So the question is raised – have people stopped riding for fun or is it now just to show off gear? Apparently there are too many ‘serious’ road cyclists trying to outpace each other on city commutes so much that car motorists have developed the hateriouscyclistus virus. 

CyclingMikey catches out the worst hateriouscyclistus patients in London

It’s a serious and highly infectious disease that seems to mainly affect motorists in traffic. The condition causes the motorist to froth on the mouth and develop a high fever every time they see a cyclist weaving past them or whenever the cyclist catches a breath stationed at a stop – waiting for the green light to turn.

The disease can be near fatal if a motorist sees cyclists jump red lights. Heart attacks and strokes are not uncommon or unheard of. Hateriouscyclistus can even cause eye cataracts – rendering the motorist blind due to the sheer rage burning through their blood vessels.

Hateriouscyclistus is closely related to another highly infectious virus: Redlightrunius, which at times also affects cyclists

Other conditions as a result of hateriouscyclistus involve the uncontrollable urge to scream and swear, and at times furiously taking pictures or video of said ‘cyclists’, even whilst driving.

Hateriouscyclistus has serious implications for drivers


Yes, drivers infected with hateriouscyclistus don’t respond well to an injection of the law. Even worse, social media is littered with driver POV videos showing motorists complaining about cyclists breaking the law as if traffic rules are imaginary.

Hateriouscyclistus is a serious condition.

So the question has to be raised again – why so serious, and have people stopped riding for fun? Motorists and cyclists alike, everyone seems to be angry these days and there’s very little to calm the innocents watching this chaos unfold and burn. Everyone is mad and quick to shout the loudest, blaming the next incident for something done by the person who saw it happen before the last victim.

Apparently this zebra crossing in Bradford has one of the highest cases of hateriouscyclistus in the UK

All we need is a little patience and respect in this chaotic world. Daily life is hard enough without reading about the war in Gaza or another road rage incident turned murder-via-vehicle. There are way too many things more important than being 10 seconds faster than the cyclist you dropped in your rear view mirror.

Hateriouscyclistus can be cured, and the cure is simple. I suggest everyone infected should ride a bicycle.

Just enjoy your life more. Every moment is precious. 

So ride daily.
Ride happy.


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