So I’ve noticed a pattern here.
I’ve constantly measured my weight over the past few weeks and realised that I have not been consistent in maintaining a regular weight loss regime. This has depressed me greatly, so much that my daughter even asked why water was coming from my eyes during the school run this morning. Guess at that point I could not hold back the tears. I felt like a failure, so I now need to do something about it. The problem is, I’ve been trying to do something about it for several years, but have always succumbed to failure.
“It’s the constant drag and constant pain that failure brings. This all makes my eyes watery honey”. Of course I didn’t say that to her, but instead mumbled something about the rain or so, and hayfever as such. Mumbles, mumbles, mumbles, waffles touché bullshit. I remember her smiling back at me while skipping away towards her classroom door. I must have said something right about the rain, so that story held.
The struggles of being a parent.
The funny thing is – moments like these bring me such joy, that I forget about the horrors of my failed weight loss program or who bombed who in Sudan or Ukraine today. Simple moments like watching my daughter giggle away and play at school are always heartfelt. The same is true when I glanced at the eagerness and ambition in my son’s eyes, when he was getting ready for his school marathon day this morning.
He’d been “selected” to represent the school, and lo-and-behold, the thought of my son running a race for the school not only brought tears to my eyes, but unloaded a proper waterfall. Sure enough, that was probably the reason for the flood at the school gates today.
To all fellow parents: I’m sorry, you should have sailed in on a boat. Guess daddy’s just a cry baby. Maybe, just maybe I’m the third kid in this strange family of ours.
Ayhoo – the weight.
Yes, back to the weight issue. It’s now 103 kgs! The horror of it all is that I’ve been down to 101.6 kilos, and even last year dropped a proper 98k! This is yo-yo dieting is just not good enough – and I have not been faithful to my OMAD schedule.
The OMAD (one meal a day) schedule has always been written as a promise by The Other Guy on paper, with dates and even calendars scribbled down to remind me of when I’m supposed to do it. Sometimes I saw that piece of paper in the bathroom under the sink, and sometimes shuffled behind kids toys under the bed.
And as usual, cakes, sweets and my favourite chocolate coated peanuts have always dragged me back to the fat club like a street huffy sold on crack. See, The Other Guy always said: “be healthy, stay healthy – so you can eat that cake!”
Yea right.
So far it hasn’t worked – and for this first time ever, I’m writing about it here – in public – to shame myself even further.
“Oh god what are you doing??” – see, that’s The Other Guy talking.
Yep, the same guy that wants me to run to the fridge right now, assault all the pork pies and wash down my guilt with the chocolate milk that the kids didn’t finish last night. So as you can tell, I’m always in a battle – always in a battle with The Other Guy.
In fact, finding myself writing this down is more than just a shameful act – it’s an exercise (ha! “exercise”, yeah right) – it’s an exercise to show my guilt to everyone in full bloom – and hopefully learn from the horrid, yes – truly horrendous mistakes that I’ve made in the past (and will probably make as I try this).
These words will be painted on mine or your screens to shame my fat, blood, sweat and tears – so I intend to hold myself accountable for everything that I say and do.
This, I figure, is the only way for me to move forward in a measurable manner. I have to be responsible for my actions, and my actions begin not today, but now. This is now more than a promise to myself – it’s a call to action, and these pages are an avenue for me to (now publicly) share my journey with you.
I must reiterate. I’m a very private person, but I feel a sense of responsibility to my family and to everyone else who reads these words. I also feel a sense of responsibility to certain principles (many of which I will mention later on), that I feel I need to express and discuss with you.
Yes, Dear Reader, my name is Steven. I’m at war with The Other Guy.
This is a horrid fight I tells ya. Swords and guns, guts n’ all – but I’m a warrior – so these words are now bleeding out in public.
So hell with this nuff mufflin’ – off we go…round 1…
I’m moving forward now. I have learnt from my past mistakes and look forward to this journey. There’s a long road ahead, and I’m currently walkin’ on a thorny path.
I don’t know where this road leads to. All I know is that I have the will and passion to enjoy every step (and mile) that I take. I’ve got a notepad, small camera and a single speed bicycle.The only few items that I own, but possessions of value none the less. They’re private treasures that I love and hold dearest.
So, (back to the weight thang)
Today is an OMAD day – and I’m staying true to my words.
Jus’ like Dre said: “Ain’t nuthing goin’, on but f****n’ music” – so I’m pulling up to The Other Guy screamin’: “Ain’t nothin’ goin on, but f****n’ cycling”.
Let’s go!
“Remember your journey for the first time, then do it again.” – ulxeus
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